H phoned to suggest pizza. We decided to eat at home, so she went to get one. Turned up after 8pm too drunk to eat, Had to go upstairs where she requested bucket for vomiting. Told her she was drunk; she claimed only drunk 3 shots, and was sick because ate too much (one slice of pizza!). Checked bill; came to R$44,00 – medium pizza costs about R$20,00; a shot costs R$1,50. Make the calculation. Anyway, she complained about me pointing this out, claiming Richard (my brother) was an alcoholic, and I was a pot head, so I left her to it.
nothing special to report; I think she drunk about 3 whiskeys.
returned from searching for school around 6pm, already with alcohol breath. Drank a few whiskeys before going to bed. I went to bed later, laid down and smelt her next to me; a strong smell of alcohol being squeezed from the body! Disgusted so went down stairs and through down the drain all spirits in house.
H discovered lack of spirits round lunch time. I explained why. That night went to bed to discover she had organized the kids bedroom with a double bed, tv etc. Looked like she was going to sleep there for a while. Felt relieved.
H went out that night, don’t know where, returned around 3am. Took aspirins.
Saturday 22/4 – Went to buy something with Cacique at lunchtime, returned 8.30 pm extremely drunk (head wobbling, difficulty talking). This despite promising cinema to kids, and telling them, each time they phoned her, she'd be back soon. Forced a fight, usual viciousness, grabbing my face when I tried to turn away, threatened to break computer, my art works etc. Held a broken aerial in a threatening manner. Added Randy to list of drug addicts (cocaine!). Left saying she wouldn't sleep in this house. Later phoned asking if I was satisfied with what I had done. Phoned 2 or 3 more times but didn’t speak. Returned early hours, muttering. Took aspirins.
Quiet week. Helena went over to Cassias on Saturday with B. Left RS to play with Pablo and Yuri. Returned with section of Cassia kids, drunk plus puppy (she told me on phone; I said I didn't want dog as I'd have to look after it). Wanted sex, while kids still up and about. Suggested waiting until all asleep. Then she got all aggressive, asking if I thought she was aggressive; I said yes; she said because she needs to defend herself. Claimed she had to defend herself against 2 lesbians at Cassias (by being aggressive). Said I never defended her, even when she was pregnant (possibly alluding to the time she spent at Douglas’ when I was in UK raising money). I got up and left bedroom, stating I wasn't interested in conversation. Later she came down and acted like nothing happened. We went to bed. Next day all kids played all day.
Today she took kids to Cassias (said going to beach at Ribeira, but that didn't happen). Returned close to 7pm, drunk. To drop kids off; told me it was my turn to look after them. Said she was going back to pick up some rugs. RS phoned her cell phone about 7:15 – switched off. After putting kids to sleep, phoned Cassia to see if Helena was there. She said she'd look and phone back. Phoned back ½ hour later to say H was on the way over! I told her no problems, I was just checking to see if H lied. About 8:30 H phoned; said she was with Carla. Carla works for Peter, in his bar, Helena's lover. I pointed this out to her and the fact she again lied, then put phone down. Lets see what she has to say for herself when she eventually returns.
Interesting aside – H says Peter doesn't drink. Should investigate.
Went to hammock to read. Eventually (10:30pm I guess) H turned up. Came over and sat very heavily on me (by the look on her eyes it was totally deliberate). I rose and told her to leave me alone. No chance! She had taken offence, apparently, to me calling Peter her ‘lover’. Seems the lies about picking up a carpet and the fact Carla works for Peter in his bar are just coincidence. She became more aggressive as I said it no longer mattered to me what she did. So I said I was not going to stick around to fight, grabbed my documents and headed for the door. So she said she was going out. I said fine, you go out and I'll stay here. She said she would go out if I went out leaving the kids alone in the house. The she said she was going to phone the police and denounce me because I took photos of her in the nude when she was only 17 (not true; she was at least 18, not that it's important). I told her to do as she pleased and left. As I left, she picked up the pc monitor and through it to the ground. I found out the next day when I returned, she also broke the keyboard, mouse, earphones, and tried to break the speakers. She also ripped up the book I was reading and completely destroyed a piece of artwork of mine (in progress in clay).
A while later she phoned my cell phone to say the police were waiting for me (apparently, as a gringo, leaving the house with my documents is against the law). I told her to get them to phone me. I called up Randy and Tony and had some beers. She phoned me again telling (yes, telling) me to come home. She said Cacique was there and she was leaving with the kids. Then she said RS had a high fever. I said I'd be home when I was ready. Eventually arrived home at about 1am to find the door barred, so I slept in the pousada.
Pretty tired, spent day sorting out computer problems and starting the monthly accounts. Told RS and B what happened; think it's important they know. Helena disappeared around lunch time and was next seen at 6:20 the next morning still in the same clothes. She didn't sleep in the house and my guess is she returned only at 6:20.
I've started the piece of work H destroyed again and am about back to where I was before the destruction. Hard work and it doesn't feel the same, but I feel determined that this shit isn't going to stop me. H. disappeared for the afternoon but was back by 6pm.
At work I notice Cacique (who I insist now writes receipts like other taxi drivers) is seriously over-charging H. Had told staff to avoid using him as he does this with guests as well.
not much has happened in the last days. Still not talking and she has stayed in all these nights, though has gone out places during the day. Went out today about 1pm, without telling any one. Phoned around 3:30 to talk to the kids, suggesting they'd be asleep before she returned. Now 8:15, and don't expect her back for a couple more hours. Thing is, I was glad she went out, but now am nervous for when she eventually returns. Expect her to be drunk and wanting to talk/ confrontation. I don't feel like talking until she at least stops lying and stops being so violently aggressive (I've hidden my work (almost finished) in preparation), and then I would want some major change in her behavior. Still think she should look for professional help. Well she arrived at 11:30 waking the kids by shutting the front door a bit heavily. She stayed down stairs for a while so I went to check on kids. Both awake, wanting me to stay with them. Told them to come into my room. Almost immediately H came upstairs, told the kids to go back to her room. Then she immediately shut their door, entered my room, locked it and put the key in her back pocket. Then she said (aggressively) ‘ what have you been putting in the kids head?’ I got up, grabbed my phone, locked myself in bathroom, phoned pousada, told them to call police. After she heard this, she said she would call police and went downstairs. I went into Kids room, locked door. From terrace saw Zelito coming and H (she apparently went to the police module in square). Went downstairs to talk. H tried to get Zelito to leave, laughing at me (big strong man) being afraid of little Helena. I told Zelito to stay as I needed a witness – didn't trust H to not do something violent). She kept trying to make him leave, so I went back up and locked myself in kids room. After a while she came up and tried to get me to open door, shouting obscenities etc. Scaring kids! Eventually I opened door; Zelito was with her still. She tried to take kids out of house. I wouldn't let her. She picked up crying Beatrix who reached her arms for me. I took her. H continued in same strain, now sexual obscenities. I told her she was scaring the kids, She asked RS if he was scared of her; he said he didn't know. She asked B who shook her head slowly. Eventually she agreed to sleep in house. Called kids; B went but RS shook head, wanted to stay with me. So she shut door, I went down with RS to let Zelito out then we went upstairs. I locked my door, and put RS to bed. Thanked him (love him!). He has cold and coughed a lot. After while H knocked on door and said (in normal voice) she needed to look after him. He wasn't willing but I told him to go. Then locked door again, phoned Richard, took valium, went to sleep.
Haven't talked since last entry. H became so angry with the continuing car repair saga that she rang me. Said she was going to remove the car y Saturday if they haven't fixed it by then. I made some calls and then explained to her that to do so would negate any guarantee; if an accident occurred because of a failure due to their work (e.g. brakes, suspension) then it would be our fault, with probably no insurance protection. I also suggested the insurance would not pay for the work already done so we'd have to fork out about 10G. Managed to convince her; it is incredibly frustrating and looks like will take another 3 weeks. That evening she dropped kids off to do homework, eat, go to bed, etc, and went out drinking with Cacique. About 7:30 she phoned to aggressively ask what Tony was doing in the pousada. About 8:30 I phoned her to make peace and said I'd tell Tony not to pass by the pousada anymore. She still seemed paranoid but managed to calm her. Sent her a text at 10 to ask that she didn't wake me when she returned. She never seems to read my texts. She turned up at about 11:30, drunk, woke me up, insisting I go and look at some moon shadows in the living room. I was irritated to be woken up but eventually agreed. I had a look and then went back to bed. 5 minutes later she lay down (deliberately) heavily next to me and said she wanted to talk. No more happiness at moon shadows! I said we could talk the next day. She said it was about work and important (about Zelito being dismissed and asking for a large severance payment, which she exaggerated – 4G instead of 1:5G). I said, if it was so important how come she just spent 5 hours drinking with Cacique. She carried on pushing so I got up, grabbed my clothes and went downstairs. She followed, asking what sort of husband I was, (presumably) who didn't want to discuss business with his drunk wife at midnight. I gave up and went to sleep in the Pousada. A while later she phoned me up, carrying on, insulting me, saying I was a coke / pot addict etc. I started telling her to leave me alone; just leave me alone; get another man; do what she wants; just leave me alone. I think she took exception to the suggestion that she looked for another man. I put the phone down. A couple of minutes later, she phoned again but didn't say anything. Me neither. After a while she put the phone down. She has now removed her wedding and diamond rings!
Haven't reported much lately because the pc was out of action for a few days (more later). We went back to the usual no-talk routine. I woke early Thursday and, being in the pousada, did some work there. On Friday, I suggested we talk after putting kids to bed. She agreed, but didn't come back down (think she lost her nerve, but I was sort of relieved). But at least ice broken. Saturday I went to the gym mid-morning, came back to find she had taken kids to beach. Spent afternoon relaxing, enjoying the peace and quiet in our still lovely house. Even did some work. Family turned up about 5:30, H already nicely drunk. She was very chatty but in that ‘agree with me or die’ way. Complained about empregada, said we was going over to see Julia (Caciques wife) later. I fed kids as she slipped out without saying good-bye. Following days more talking until Wednesday. She went out in afternoon, and didn't get back until late night. I was already sleeping; she entered my bed, sort of hugged me then went to sleep. I'd watched the football which seemed to have pissed her off and the kids had broken the pc, fighting (nothing heavy, but it was fragile after H´s attack and gave up the struggle).
On the Thursday I planned to go for a drink with Randy and JP. She went out somewhere before lunch and we didn't hear anything until she phoned around7pm. I was putting the kids to sleep, and asked here if she was coming back because I was going out. She suggested I invited her but I said no. She insisted so much, saying how much she wanted to be with me (sense my smell) so I said I'd cancel. She said she'd be back soon. At eight, I tracked her down and asked what was going on because I'd cancelled the baby sitter. She said she’d be back soon, again. So I called Luis, so I could go to pousada to look at e-mails, possibly news. She turned up about 9pm (drunk). I said I'd finish reading what I was reading, then would go home. She said she was going to Olivier's and to meet me there. I said I wasn't going there but would go straight home. So she took my cell phone so I could let her know when I was home. I arrived about 9:15 and rang her. Then went to bed. She turned up much later (how can a bar full of drink be left even if she was desperate to ‘sense my smell’?), wanting to talk. I, in my new non violent neutral strategy, played along in a neutral manner until she went to sleep. Success, I suppose. Have to say, I'm pissed off about not even being able to go out for a beer, but I need to play the long game, and look forward to a future of relaxed beer drinking, or staying in or whatever, Today she had the usual hang-over smell.
She went out with the kids when I arrived, about 6pm, sent the kids back at about 7;30, letting me know she was going to carry on drinking. I phoned her (she didn't answer her phone, so I phoned Aroldo who was with her, and asked her very clearly not to wake me when she came back. Can't say I'm confident she’ll respect that.
Yesterday she went to the gym at 10:45 and returned at 3:45. Seems like rather a long time! When she returned, we all went to Shopping Barra, but she was in an irritated mood and made it all rather stressful. When we got back, the dog was upstairs. This is a stress situation as I have to put up with it down in my work space (she doesn't want it upstairs because it isn't trained) and it has now started chewing the pc cables. I moaned and said just because she wants a dog (she spends maximum 15 minutes a day in it's company), everyone has to suffer. Basically said she was being selfish (if it was me that wanted a dog, and she didn't, we wouldn't have one). The cats don't come down and have started peeing in the house as well. So last night ended up back in the cold-war zone. Today she went out at 2pm, without letting anyone know and still hasn't returned (8:45pm). I put the kids to bed with the usual trouble and followed through my threat of going downstairs if they didn't settle down. RS has learnt our cell phone numbers and phoned H. When I went back upstairs he passed the phone to me and she started telling me what a useless father I was, and how, if anything happened while I was downstairs, I wouldn't know, etc. Point-scoring, and rubbish, as I was downstairs. And it is difficult for her to complain what with being out of the house, who knows where. I have just tried to phone her, but her phone has been switched off (so if anything happened to the kids…. It would be somewhat difficult to tell her). Apparently she told RS she was in the Casa da Roça (closed Sundays), and B that she was in the pousada . Now apparently she has grabbed Louis to take him out as company, leaving Paulo alone in the Pousada, again.
I phoned Olivier's and asked to speak to H, after a while she answered and I told her she couldn't use Louis as a drinking partner; she said he was only going to get some money for her. I found out later that he only returned at 11:30. I have advised him that, if he does this again I will be forced to sack him, not that it is his fault, but I can't leave the pousada with only one man at night. H. turned up at 11:30pm and immediately came into my room, awakened me roughly and started spitting venom; moaning about the fact that all the chicken had been eaten and how there was going to be changes around here and how she could have stayed/been with Peter – basically anything to start a fight (this the woman who left the house at 2pm – I think there is a good chance she was visiting Peter). Eventually I snapped, screamed at her congratulations on getting the fight she wanted, put my clothes on and left the house (as I left I passed my children in their bed, hands over their ears!). I went to Oliviers and had a caiparinha and moaned to Olivier about this. He suggested sectioning her, and I said that it would be hard to get people to testify. He assured me that he, and people in his bar would, without hesitation. She is well known for turning up and, in his words, after a couple of caiparinhas, pick fights with everyone and anyone. Then I went and slept at the pousada. I am very angry!
Not much to report; just another night where H felt the need to wake everyone up. It was Tuesday. She arranged to meet Cristiane to say goodbye (Cristiane has gone to France for some months) in the afternoon. H told me that C was leaving at 8pm. I had arranged to meet JP at 7 – 7:30pm and asked H if she would be back in time. She said she would. Just after 7pm, she rang to say she was in Pelourinho and could she get back later. I asked her what was so interesting in Pelourinho, but she didn't answer. So, knowing what she is like, I said I'd cancel my night with JP. At 9pm I phoned her to remind her that she should not be drinking and driving. She said she wasn't drinking (I don't believe her) and that she would leave the car and go to Olivier's (because apparently I had pissed her off by being irritated at having to cancel my plans – any excuse!). She then phoned me at about 10pm, definitely drunk, trouble speaking fluently, to tell me that JP was there with Zelina and Enzo (their 10 year old son). Seems she thought I had secretly and deviously arranged to meet not just JP but his wife and son! So, my night is cancelled, and I still get stick because the man I was going to meet goes for a drink with his wife and son! I suggested this was ridiculous. I also told her I didn't believe her (just meeting Cristiane) and thought she was still seeing Peter, and that I no longer trusted her, and that I had a right to be irritated by having to cancel my plans because of her. Eventually she put the phone down after about 40 minutes of pointless discussion. She eventually turned up at 2am, now very drunk, waking the children and waking me to apparently to discuss the dog. She thought she might have to get rid of the dog and asked what I thought. I said I thought it was a great idea. So she said she would get rid of the dog and the 2 cats. I asked (sarcastically) if she didn't want to get rid of the children too. She replied (seriously) that they were blood so could stay. At that point Beatrix woke up crying. I got up, congratulated H (quietly) on waking everyone up again, put on my clothes and went downstairs. After about half an hour, I went back up, saw H was fast asleep, so I went back to bed. It took me almost an hour to unwind and get to sleep.
Another discussion last night, that I brought on. We had spent some hours in the square (there is the St Antonio festival), H drinking 4 caiparinhas, and feeling cheerful. Put the kids to bed by 9:30 and she was up for dancing and possible sex. My problem is that lies, that mean, though I would love to get romantic, it would feel somewhat false. I started by asking more about this ‘friend’ of Helena’s called Marta. H had booked her in for free (didn't consult with me) for tonight at the pousada as a birthday treat. Thing is, I don't know this woman. H claims she is a friend of about 3 years who she met on a computer class. I have never heard her mentioned before, obviously never met her, never answered the phone to her; nothing! I do know H has recently written her number down in her agenda. I asked where this girl works; H gave a vague answer about some bar near Lapa. I reckon she works in one of Peters bars. I then said we needed to get a babysitter for Saturday night. She said it wasn't necessary because she wasn't going out. I asked why she had only this evening invited Louis (who works for us), and had also invited him a couple of days ago. I imagine the birthday treat would have included at some point Peters involvement (which would not be fair on Louis). I then asked where she had been on Tuesday (I know she was at Peters bar around 10:00pm) and she said she was out with Cacique. Lies, lies and more lies. I asked where she had been 2 Sundays ago, and she just looked at me blankly, going for the privacy defense. I said I was not happy at all with this constant lying (she denies she's ever lied), and she, getting irritated, stated she was going out. No idea where she went or when she got back (before 4:30 because I woke up then and checked). She has now taken kids to Caciques, where, no doubt she is getting plenty drunk. I should avoid being here when she gets back so as not to be stuck with the kids as she continues binging, thus screwing my evenings plans to meet Randy.
Well she turned up by about 7pm, amazingly, and then appeared to want huge recognition for this stunning one-off! She was drunk and asked where I was planning on going. I said I'd arranged to meet Randy in the square. She asked if anyone else was going; I said Tony. Hearing this she started acting mad. She said we should put the kids in the pousada because she was also going out. I said ok. She told me to help her do so; I said she should stop trying to order me around like I was some empregado. She started getting all stroppy and I asked her what her problem was. She said she doesn't like Tony. I said I didn't like Peter and not to worry as I was unlikely to pose topless with Tony. She told me, repeatedly to say Peter’s name correctly, as I decided to leave immediately. I re-arranged to meet Randy at his shop and headed there. She rang and told me to return, blah blah blah. I carried on. She rang again when I got to Randy’s now asking me to come back because she had something really important to tell me. I asked why she thinks she can stay out until 2pm or later with Peter, and I can't even go for a beer with my friends in peace. She denied being in Peters bar on Tuesday; I told her she was lying. She said she didn't want to continue in this marriage and what should we do. I said we´d sell the house, divide the money and decide on who gets the children when. She said she would keep everything. I asked if she planned to rob me; she said now I'd accused her of being a thief and put the phone down. She phoned again a few minutes later to tell me she had smashed my sunglasses (true) and had cut her hands up In the process. I said I still wasn't going home and she should be patient as I would probably be back by midnight. She then started crying saying only she new what she had done, and that something terrible had happened etc.. and told me she was going to bar the front door so I´d have to sleep in the pousada. She rang a couple more times and finally left me in peace. I returned about 2am to find the door barred so slept in the pousada.
We didn't speak again until yesterday when she requested a lift to take her and the kids to Cassias family house to watch the football. She had already drunk the best part of a bottle of wine (3:30pm). I did and she wasn't particularly friendly still insisting on treating me like some stupid empregado. After the football she told me she was dropping the kids of before returning to the party. She turned up about 6pm, drunker, left the kids and left. I eventually put the kids to bed but there was a lot of street noise. I phoned her at about 8pm and found she was with Cacique, though she immediately lied, saying she was arriving at the pousada. She then forgot she had said this and told me she was at the Mercado do Peixe (her new generic location for her lies). Then she said she'd be at the pousada in a couple of minutes, too drunk to remember which lie to follow. She did eventually arrive there to use the toilet (about 9pm) and then disappeared. The noise was getting too much and the kids were unsettled, and scared by the loud fireworks. I rang her again and her phone was switched off. I got the pousada to ring Cacique to tell him her phone was switched off and the the kids were crying. He apparently denied being with her. Strangely she then rang immediately and I asked her who was lying. She said he had just dropped her off. I knew at once she was at Peters bar. I told her she was there with her boyfriend, instead of with her family, and that she didn't love anyone, and that she was throwing a good life away so she could drink and ‘paquerar’, and I was going to take the kids to the pousada because it was too noisy here.. She said she would come back right now but wanted to know why her husband didn't want to go out with her etc. Of course she didn't turn; I took the kids to the pousada where we eventually slept. I had tried ringing a few times by the phone was switched off. Turns out she broke it in her rage. At about 2pm she phoned up asking why I´d taken the kids to the pousada. She claimed to have turned up earlier and gone to sleep without realizing no one was home! We argued pointlessly for a while until I put the phone down. So today I´m tired and know that there is no point in talking to her as she just thinks that she can go anywhere, any time, for any period of time, with anyone, to do anything, and I have to stay at home and be a decent little house husband!
Another busy weekend! What with being drunk at Aroldo's. But tonight was a Helena classic. Half way through the Brazil/Ghana game she asked me to take her to Cassias family home, so I dropped her an the kids off. After the France/Spain match I phoned her and she said she wanted to stay longer, possibly the night. Then she phoned me about 20 minutes later to say I had to pick her up right now. I could hear one of Cassias family telling her to calm down etc. I said I'd be right over and left immediately. Half way over RS phoned on her phone to say they were returning by taxi. I returned to the house and met them there. She was very drunk and in an irritable mood. Looks like she managed to fight with someone. I showered the kids and fed them as she tried to sneak out. I answered the phone to Marcio telling her that the taxi driver – Ivan – couldn't pick her up as he was a long way away. As she left I told her a few things on my mind – say hello to her boyfriend etc – and put the kids to bed. I am telling them that she obviously has a boyfriend and is happy to lie to me, and that this isn't the right way to treat any partner. She phoned to tell me she was in Olivier's. Which she might have been for 5 minutes because I immediately sent Marcio over there to ask if she still needed the taxi. She was already gone. I think she went to his apartment because I have just rung her and she answered in a quiet location, saying she was waiting for a taxi. His bar is in front of a taxi rank! I told her to sleep somewhere else as I had put the bar on the door. Lets see if she turns up. A few hours in his apartment would be enough for her to get what she wants!
She phoned up about 6:30. Apparently she spent the night in the car! Not something I can easily believe.
Busy drinking weekend for H; On Friday she started drinking at 11am and eventually returned to the house at 11pm – 12 hour session! On Saturday we went to the beach. I didn't drink anything alcoholic; H managed 4 600ml beers. On Sunday she was busy finishing off a whole bottle of wine before lunch, before I mentioned it and somehow she controlled herself. Then yesterday, she claimed to be feeling irritated about the world generally, and took the kids over to Cassias family house at about 3pm. I imagine she soon started drinking. I spoke to her at about 6pm, and told her I was meeting Randy for a drink. I returned home at 10:30pm to find her well drunk, with Lequinha and Cassias sister and one of the children. She immediately told me to get them a taxi. I said she could and went and fed the cats. Then I went upstairs where I found her packing clothes into her handbag, apparently planning to spend the night away. I went down and complained to the women and told them they were also responsible, drinking with her (but I think they were sort of prisoners). H came downstairs, forgetting her bag, and climbed into the taxi with them and that was the last we saw of her until this morning. I later found out that she had slept at Ronaldo's place. I complained to Cassia about her family, but she said they usually don't have any choice in the matter, as H invites herself over and basically bosses everyone into giving her drink.
Classic Helena last night. We were at the pousada in the late afternoon and she told me (she likes to tell people, rather than ask) to take the kids back to feed and bed them. I finished my stuff and did just that. Beatrix cried a lot at the hour to sleep, wanting to see her mother, and knowing she wouldn't, even though H said she would be back soon. Beatrix said ‘she won't come back; she is going to spend the night at Peter's house’. At about 7:30 H rang and suggested picking up a pizza for us. At 8:30 I rang to discover she was still at the pousada so I told her to forget the pizza. At 9:15 she rang to say she was going to Olivier's with Ronaldo. At 11:30 Ronaldo rang to see if H had got back alright. I knew something wasn't right so I phoned H on her cell phone, and found out she was at Peter’s bar. She disconnected her phone so I called Louis (one of our night staff) to look after the kids while I went searching for my wife. I called into Olivier's to discover H hadn´t set foot there (so the usual lies), and then went to the pousada. There I phoned Ronaldo and he told me H had drunk almost a full bottle of Cachaça (part of a stock of bottles H had bought to sell in the pousada) at the pousada, on her own (which is why he was worried about her getting home ok), and he had then walked her home. She obviously waited for him to be out of sight and then just jumped into a cab and headed to the bar. I took all the bottles left and threw the cachaça down the sink! I talked a while with Ronaldo and he told me he had tried to tell H she had a serious problem and couldn’t treat her husband and children as she did, and needed to get help about the alcohol. He persuaded me to not go to the bar, where I imagine a nasty scene would have developed. This was now about 12:45 and H pulled up in a taxi with another woman, to get more money! I told the staff not to give her any, and I went down to talk to her. She wouldn't get out of the taxi so I leaned in to see her absolutely drunk, head wobbling, cradling a bottle of beer. I told her what I thought about her drinking, lying, etc, and she just sat there, bored, waiting for me to finish so she could go where ever she was going. I eventually grabbed the beer bottle in frustration and through it on the ground. She tried to bite me. I asked the girl why she liked to see H so drunk, and she turned round and showed she was completely sober. She was this famous Marta, and the taxi driver was her husband. She told me she never goes out with H, doesn't even drink, and they were just giving H a lift. I have to say that, on reflection I think they might have been taking her to Barra (Peters other bar / apartment – why else would she need money?) Then H got out of the car, and lunged at me trying to bite me again, I pushed her off in self defense, and she staggered back on the cobles, her legs couldn't maintain her balance and she fell over, bashing her head. I backed off and went into the pousada and phoned Ronaldo and asked if he could come up and help (he lives near-by). He eventually turned up, and helped the taxi driver get her out of the car (she didn't want to get out, and he, and his wife, wanted to be free of the situation). I left R looking after H and went home. I couldn't sleep and at about 2:00, I phoned the pousada. R and Louis took H to the hospital where they cleaned her head and put her wrist back in plaster (she has a strained wrist problem) and then he dropped her home at 3:00am. She went upstairs and crashed into a drunk induced sleep. After a while I also went up and slept fitfully in the kids room. I got up and sent them to school at 6 and them went back to bed. H woke me throwing bags at me, as she chose which bag to take with her. She expressed no regret, no embarrassment, nothing, except that obviously it is all my fault.
Friday was a day to struggle through, and I slept some in the afternoon. When I woke I went to Iguatami to fix my watch (new strap) and buy a book for RS (Robinson Crusoe). When I returned, H and the kids weren't at home. I found out they had gone to spend the night at Cassias. Actually they spent the weekend there, going to the beach with Marcio on Saturday, returning Sunday afternoon. I spent the weekend working and relaxing and thinking. I really can't see things improving. Anyway, H has adopted her usual stance, not talking to me at all, locking herself and the kids in the bedroom at night (something that is beginning to bug me – I don't like locked doors between my children and me).; basically acting as if it was me who got blind drunk and gone to visit my lover in [her] bar! It appears that H didn't drink during the weekend, which is a blessing, I suppose, and didn't mention the fight or talk about me at all.
Today, at the pousada, Beatrix was talking to me on the phone and asked to speak to her mum; I offered the phone, and told H, but I was totally ignored, so I had to explain to Beatrix that her mother didn't seem to want to speak right now. I left the phone on the desk and went to the gym. It is now 8:30pm and my family is ‘safely' locked in the bedroom and I'm sitting downstairs wandering if I deserve this somehow.
It's 9pm and I'm sitting down in the office, beginning to relax. H is still definitely not talking to me; if I answer the phone she puts the phone down; if she answers the phone she puts the phone down. On Monday (I think) I tried to talk to her but it just ended in a monologue (not very pleasant one) from me. The only time she responded was when I told her I knew her mother and sister had both tried to talk about her alcohol and she had aggressively rebuffed them – she wanted to know who told me. I said they had – a bluff as far as her mother is concerned. After that ‘conversation', I took her car key, and removed the business cheque book and bank card (basically her financial control in the business). I have now actively started looking to rent somewhere – a very depressing experience.
Today was a hard day at work, what with the monthly accounts and sending out some faturas. I also went and looked at a couple of apartments to buy, not that I have the money personally.
H took the kids to Ronaldo's in the afternoon and the house was empty when I returned. I then became nervous as to when (if) H would return with the kids, and in what state! They returned at about 6:45, the kids ringing the doorbell. I imagined the idea was for her to drop the kids and head back out so I ignored the doorbell. Then the kids found me upstairs and Beatrix told me that her mother said I didn't like them. I said that wasn´t true and asked if H had been drinking (asking my kids!!). H came up the stairs at this moment and headed into ‘her’ room (where she locks herself in at night with the kids). As we went downstairs she called my name. I ignored her. In the kitchen Beatrix was miserable and said she didn´t want us to fight anymore. I said I also didn't but her mother refused to talk to me. Beatrix said her mother had called me but I didn't answer. Good point: how can I explain / justify why I am not keen to enter in conversation with H if there is a chance she has been drinking? I prefer silence than nastiness, especially with the kids around. They assumed, like me, that H was going to go out again and Beatrix said she didn´t want this as her mother would come back drunk. Beatrix is 4 years old and has to deal with this; it breaks my heart. Will me leaving make things better?
Well she caught me again; I thought she was tucked in for the night when she went out at 10pm. She did something strange at the front door; she opened it and said to someone that they could come closer. Then she left the door open for a couple of minutes with no talking going on. Then she shut it and left. I imagine she wanted me to see who was outside. She got back 8am this morning! I had drifted off to sleep at midnight, when Beatrix woke me crying, at 1am. I took her to my bed, and didn't sleep anymore last night. So I am pretty wiped out.
H took the kids to visit a sister of Ronaldo's, returned at about 3:30pm and then took them to the pousada and then the square. They all came back at about 6pm and the kids, after showering came down and hung out with me. At 7:30pm, H went out, telling RS a couple of minutes beforehand. This was rather annoying as I had planned to go out, instead being H’s free babysitter. It is the fact that I can't plan anything that gets to me. So I fed the kids and put them to bed about 8:30pm. Beatrix wanted to talk to her mother to find out where she was, but I said I wouldn't ring her because H would only think I´d put Beatrix up to it, and wouldn't say where she was anyway. But I gave RS permission to ring. Beatrix spoke a while to her mother, then passed the phone to RS who asked where she was. Apparently she put the phone down on him. A few minutes later she phoned back and told RS to tell me to ‘look after my own life, rather than hers – basically, as I knew, she thought I'd got the kids to phone her. One of the good things about H going out is that I get to put the kids to bed in a relaxed atmosphere, and I lay down with them and we chatted a bit before they went to sleep. I told them that I might move out and live somewhere else, and that they shouldn't worry as they would always have one of their parents around and there wouldn't be any fighting. They asked why we fought and why H wouldn’t talk to me, and I said I thought she had problems and didn't like me anymore. Tricky! Once they were asleep, I went down and read, chatted a bit to Richard, feeling calmer and then turned in about 11:00pm. I heard Helena turn up sometime in the early hours, though could say what time exactly.
I slept well and rose at about 8:30am. I was downstairs with the kids when H called RS and told him she was going out, and then she left. No idea where she went but she returned at about 8:00pm. Something I believe is very important, and H obviously doesn't, is that a parent should always let his children know where he is and when he might return if asked. Kids, ours especially due to the marriage problems, are insecure and need reassurance. When they ask H, she says it doesn't concern them, and shows no patience. On Saturday, I told them they had the total right to phone me any time, even if I appeared irritated occasionally, they still had the right. While I was preparing the kids supper RS told me that his mum said (when he asked about her arm being strapped up – see I had pushed her down the stairs of the pousada –see Friday 28/7 . I told him that this was completely untrue and that she hadn't even entered the pousada, and had fallen over outside. I told him she had tried to bite me and that I had defended myself and that she fell over because she was drunk. I asked him who he thought was the aggressive parent, and he replied his mum. I think he is smart enough to work out the truth. I also told him that I was upset that his mother would make up lies and hoped that he knew I was honest with him, and that he would try to be honest as well.
Today I will continue my search for somewhere to live. It needs to be big enough for me, Richard, and the kids (for what I hope is a few nights a week), and preferably comfortable enough to make having to leave my home, bearable!
Helena went out Saturday morning without telling anyone where she was going and was back by 5pm, when I returned from Campo Grande where I´d taken the kids to play. On Sunday she went out with Beatrix, (Richard wanted to stay with me) at about 6pm. I had to remind here at 7:30pm, that Beatrix had school the next day and it was her bed time. Marcio brought Beatrix back, and told me Helena was in the Cruz do Pascual with Gloria. I put the kids to bed with some usual trouble over who sleeps what side of the bed. A while later I discovered Richard had been trying to phone his mother, though she hadn't answered her phone (normal). Eventually they went to sleep. I went to bed about 10:30pm, and first Beatrix, and then Richard came and slept in my bed (about 11:30pm). Helena turned up at about 1:30am drunk (lots of noise!). She didn't try to get the kids to sleep in her bed.
I have finally found a suitable apartment and have paid the 1st months rent.
Last night I picked the kids up from the pousada at about 5pm and brought them home to do their homework. Then I fed them and put them to bed. I lay down between them until they slept. Richard again complained about sleeping on one side of the bed instead of the other, and I said they should have their own single beds again. Beatrix agreed saying she wanted them to have their single beds and mummy and daddy to sleep together in the other room! I told them that I and their mother might have to separate for a while but that I would still want to see my children and hoped they'd be able to come and stay. I try to explain that their parents are fighting but it has nothing to do with them and that we love them. I said I thought Helena was very sad which is why she acted like she did. Eventually they went to sleep. Helena turned up about 5am! I think I will make the move today.
Well, that plan didn't happen; RS refused to go to school and Helena carried on sleeping, so I went to work. Later H left RS at the pousada and went out. Then I was advised that she wasn't going to e around for lunch and, because no lunch had been prepared, I was to take the kids to eat out. We went to Gloria's where RS refused to eat, and was then sick. So we went back home and I made RS take it easy. H turned up in the early evening so I thought I'd leave the move for tomorrow. Saturday I woke up not feeling good (a bit nauseous), and though I managed to go to the gym, the feeling didn't pass, and I spent most of the day in bed. H rented a whole bunch of movies and spent Saturday in front of the TV. Likewise Sunday. I took the kids to the zoo in the afternoon, and then Campo Grande. When I returned H suggested, through RS that I get a pizza, which I did. It took me ½ hour to go, order and return with a pizza, which puts H’s pizza arranging in perspective.
On Monday the kids went to school, and I waited for H to go out before packing the essentials and leaving. I left H a note (nice, non conflict) and left. After checking into the apartment I have rented, I had lunch and then, after a snooze, went to the gym. When I left the gym, RS phoned me to ask me to go and help with his homework. Then I had B on the phone crying, wanting to be with me. So I headed in that direction (H hadn't returned). Cassia phoned me before I arrived to tell me H had turned up. I phoned at about 7 and H answered the phone, but, when she heard my voice, she hadn't the phone to RS without speaking. He seemed aware that I wasn't coming back that night, because he told me he had fed the cats. I asked him to also water the plants. I then turned and headed for the apartment. After showering I went to the pousada to do some work and then to the supermarket to do my (recently single man) essential shopping. The supermarket depressed me and I bought the minimum and went back to the apartment. I made a couple of horrible sandwiches, drank a couple of beers, read, and then went to sleep. I woke at about 1am, and couldn’t sleep so, at about 2am, I turned on the light and read more. At 3am I went back to sleep and had bad dreams involving my children and nice (if ultimately disappointing) dreams about the wife. I woke again at about 5am, slept some more and woke a 7am.
I realized I hadn´t organized any means of making coffee, so I went out and bought the necessaries, and then got caught in a traffic jam. Aroldo turned up at about 9am to fix some lights, after which we both headed to the pousada. At about midday, I had B on the phone crying again, because H had told her I was never coming back, so I went over to the house (H had just turned up at the pousada). There I discovered B crying on Cassias lap and RS with a nasty mark on his inner thigh. Apparently H had hit him (hard) with a plastic salad spoon (the marks were very visible) because he had called B a liar. Also the children told me H had said I’d left because I didn’t like them any more. I told them this was not true and felt very angry, especially about the mark on RS’ leg. I phoned Ana Paula for advice and she came over. She said she had tried to help H but had been insulted for her efforts. There isn't anyone who thinks that H is a good person! She said (the same as everyone) that I have to do something. I am resolved to stay in the house (though with the apartment as an escape route) to look after the kids and work on making H leave.
The rest of the afternoon passed peacefully (or as peacefully as it can be with 2 small children) doing homework. Then I fed them and ut them to bd. H phoned at about 7:20 to ask if they were sleeping (this required her to talk to me!). It is now almost 9pm and she still isn't back. Usual stuff from her, using me as a free babysitter and knowing I'm not able to go out. I'll sit this one out and see what I can organize in the next days.
She returned at about 11:30.
Another fight yesterday. She woke in a bad mood, so I avoided her and went, quite early to the pousada. There was quite a lot to sort out so I was kept busy. She turned up about 11am, striding about in a temper, and took R$50,00 for the safe and (almost) stormed out. She phoned the house at 4pm to tell me she was going to buy a car. I said she couldn’t afford to and she said she could; she told me she would sell the diamond ring I gave her to put a deposit down on one! Basically she was trying to wind me up. I put the phone down, showered and headed out via the pousada, not wanting to fight when she got back. We met at the pousada, with her turning up in a taxi with both children crying. They came over to me and I picked Beatrix up, and entered the pousada. She followed and words were exchanged at reception. Suddenly she lunged at Beatrix, pinched her on the arm, and then tried to drag her off me. I turned and went to push her off, defensively (but with force) and caught her, I think on the side of the head. She immediately turned, triumphant to the staff (Marcio, Paulo and Geraldo, and also Aroldo who had been working) and said – see, he hit me! You all saw him hit me! No one wanted to agree with her and all looked at the floor etc. Then she turned on me and hit me round the head with her right hand with her key ring in. I was still holding Beatrix. I told her she was not going to be aggressive with my children any more; I smelled her and told her she was drunk (I later heard she had drunk a little on the beach, but then bought 2 bottles of wine to take back to Marcios and had drunk one on her own); I then told her no one would testify for her and that she was worthless, and not the boss. She tried to get everyone to phone the police so she could accuse me of hitting her but all declined. I said she should do it herself. Then I got completely sick of the situation and took the kids and left. Walking back to the house, Richard told me how his mother had cut him on the mouth, trying to force a plastic toy into his mouth (punishment for something!), and that she had also pushed Beatrix hard so that she fell over. I resolved to report this to the police, and phoned Cassia to see if she could go with me to help with the kids. So we picked her up, went back to the house to pick up the children’s documents, then to the apartment to collect mine, and then to the relevant local. I tried phoning Simone (my lawyer) and she told me I was doing the right thing, and that, if I needed anything she would leave her phone on. I reported the acts of aggression, and then had to go somewhere else to have the kids examined. Afterwards I took them for a MacDonalds and then home. During this, the pousada kept me informed of Helenas movements. She did go to the police with Marcio to report me for hitting her and then went with him to Axego’s. She passed the ‘instruction’ on that I was to leave the kids in the pousada where she was going to sleep, which I refused to do so. I foolishly thought she wouldn´t return and put the kids to sleep and then, locked and barred the door and went to bed. At about 12:30 am she returned and, finding she couldn´t get in, rang the doorbell a number of times, which half woke Beatrix. I calmed Beatrix down, and then went to see what was happening. I saw her returning to the pousada with Marcio and, sensing worse could happen, woke the kids, put them into the car and took them to the apartment. Once I had them back to sleep, I rang the pousada to be informed she had returned to the police to report me for barring the door. She rag me to call me names and try to get me to give her the address, threatening me with the police. I then turned my phone off and tried to get some sleep.
Beatrix woke me at about 6am because she was hungry, so I found her a yogurt. I hung out with her for an hour before she woke RS. He was loving the adventure of sleeping in the apartment! I decided to head home, so we did. The door was barred when we arrived, so I phoned Helena. She came downstairs and then spent a few minutes before opening the door. As I went upstairs she said she was going to phone Peter (doesn’t she realize this has gone a lot further?). I made the kids breakfast, and myself some coffee, while she disappeared upstairs. Then the kids and I went downstairs to see what Helena had done over the night. She had pulled the speaker system off the wall in the studio, smashed the speakers, headphones and Skype phone in the office, and broken up the jig-saw puzzle RS and I had been working on. It took us a while to locate the pieces but eventually did, hidden in the laundry. Then Helena came downstairs and called the kids. She told them she was going to the beach and wouldn’t be back until later, and, if she didn’t come back at all, they could sleep with their father. RS immediately said – great, we could try sleeping in the 2nd bedroom in the apartment (bless his enthusiasm). The kids has already informed her about what a nice, big apartment it was; I couldn’t have trained them to say better stuff!
Once she was gone, I made some breakfast and made some calls. I spoke to Simone who decided she would go to the police with me (to report her aggression to me and out property). This we did, with the kids in tow, and that’s good it’s done. After, I dropped Simone off, grabbed some films for the kids and headed back to the house. We spent the day hanging out, and then did homework and I put them to bed. Helena phoned twice; once at about 4pm from the beach (or a bar), and then at 7:30 to see if the kids were in bed. I have no idea if she will return tonight.
It is now 8:30am, and she still hasn’t appeared, so she slept somewhere else. Beatrix asked where her mother was, first thing this morning, and appeared a bit sad, but recovered after drinking her milk, and went to school with her usual good humor.
Funny how Helena can be so preoccupied with her children not sleeping with her on Saturday night, and yet can be so unconcerned, not even calling to tell them goodnight, on the Sunday night!
Helena returned at 12:30 with some new clothes. I went back to work at about 2pm and returned at about 5:30pm. After a while Beatrix came down and told me that her mother had said she was going out with Peter (I think she meant – going out for the night). We played on the computer for a while longer and then Richard came down. He told me the same thing. At 7pm I fed the kids and they went upstairs to sleep. Almost immediately Richard came down again and said he wanted to sleep with me, in a sad voice. I asked him what was wrong, and he said his mother told him he was a liar and a gossip. I asked why and he said it was because he told me she was going out with Peter. I told him she was being very unfair and it was wrong for an adult to call a child such things. He said she told him he wouldn’t have any more birthday parties because he was a liar and a gossip. I assured him he was going to have plenty more birthday parties. He found the plastic item that Helena had forced into his mouth – a half of a hard plastic bar with a castled (to lock with the other half) edge. He showed me how she pushed it into his mouth, and thus explained how he was cut inside and outside the cheek. He said he thought his mother didn’t like him (and Beatrix) any more, and that’s why she did these things to them. I told him that she did but she had a problem; was ill. I asked him if he had to choose between staying with either his mother or his father, who would he choose. He said his father. Then the doorbell and, and I heard Helena calling for Gloria to enter (Gloria is someone who was a friend and helped out when the children were babies, but who Helena fell out with). I let her in and she went upstairs. After a couple of minutes Helena and Gloria came downstairs and went out. I took the kids upstairs to put them to bed. They took a while to sleep because they wanted to talk about the troubles. Richard wanted to know if I had come back to stop their mother hurting them. I said it was because I missed them so much. After just one night away, they found this hard to believe. It seems that Helena is not being very nice to Richard; it is as if she is turning against him.
Finally they went to sleep, and I showered and went downstairs, spoke to my brother, ate and also turned in at about 10pm. I was very tired and went to sleep quickly. I didn’t sleep brilliantly due, probably to the stress, but I’m calm enough. The alarm went off and we all got up. Then Helena came upstairs and the kids told me Marcio was waiting for money to buy fruit and bread. He told me Helena had slept in the pousada and also that she wasn’t very drunk when he went to get her from the Casa da Roça (where she had eaten pizza with Gloria. In the kitchen she told the kids that Peter sent them a kiss. I found that there wasn’t any coffee in the house so I phoned the pousada and asked someone to bring some, and some milk. Immediately Helena phoned to tell the pousada they didn’t need to bring anything right now as they would be bringing a whole lot of stuff later. So I had to phone again and tell the pousada that I needed the coffee now as I wanted to make some now. Then we all went downstairs and waited for the transport to arrive. While we were waiting Helena’s phone rang and she (dramatically) told whoever was on the line that she couldn’t talk right now and suggested talking later. Then she told the kids that today she was going to buy her car. Then the school transport arrived and everyone left.
She takes every opportunity to try to needle me, but she isn’t succeeding. I am annoyed that she is using the children but have to be patient as hopefully things will be sorted out soon.
Helena stayed in last night, going up with the kids and locking her bedroom door. I went to Olivier’s to speak to Olivier, to see if he would be a witness to Helena’s behavior. He is very willing to. Returned at about 10pm and went to bed. This morning I have found out that Helena has sacked Cassia. This was expected. I told Cassia to take Helena to court for unfair dismissal.
Yesterday was Richard’s birthday. I tried to find out if Helena had anything planned, but failed, so I returned to the house at about 11:45am to wrap the presents. Helena turned up with the kids at mid-day and Richard opened his presents. Helena was there but distant. Then I let her and the kids have lunch, before I went up and ate. Soon after, Helena went out. I played with the kids new presents all afternoon, until Helena returned at 5pm. She took them off to have there haircut. When she returned, Richard came down and played with me while Beatrix stayed with her mother. Helena called Richard to bed at just after 7pm. So Richard’s birthday went well enough, though Beatrix kept asking when it was going to happen (she assumes birthdays have parties and cake etc.), but Helena wasn’t full of love and joy, which is a shame.
Today, I was on the phone this morning when Cassia turned up. It appears she’s been reinstated! Helena went out at about 10:30am, rang at lunchtime to say I should take the kids to a restaurant, and still hasn’t appeared; it’s now 9:30pm. I imagine she is on a binge. I took the kids to Gloria’s for lunch and then dropped them home. We played for an hour, and then I went to the gym via the pousada. I told Cassia to ring me at 5pm if Helena hadn’t appeared. I was on my way home, just after 5pm when she did ring. So I looked after the children, playing with them, taking them for pizza at the Casa da Roça, and putting them to bed. It was a nice evening.
Who knows when or if Helena will turn up, and in what state?
Helean reappeared at 5:30am on Saturday morning. During the night, Beatrix had come and slept in my bed. When Helena returned, she came in and took Beatrix back to her bed? It is as if Beatrix has no right to sleep in my room; not even when her mother stays out the whole night without telling anyone!
Beatrix woke me at about 6:30 and I went down and fed her. Richard followed soon after. I didn’t sleep very well; these problems weigh on me. Then we went down to the studio to try to put the Airfix model together. Cassia turned up and immediately, Helena called her up to her room to get her to phone her aunt (basically just to dial the number!). Then she called the kids up to tell them they were going to the beach with her. She also stressed Cassia out, complaining etc., as if Cassia had only been asked back to give Helena someone to treat badly! The kids came back down and Richard said he didn’t want to go to the beach with his mother. I told him he didn’t have to. She called them again but they stayed with me, so she came down and told them they were going to the beach. Richard told her he didn’t want to, and I backed him up. Helena looked a bit confused, and then started complaining. I told her to relax 9she had spent the whole morning in a rage, ordering everyone about, and just being a pain!); that everyone else was relaxed and she should try it. With that she went back upstairs. After about ½ hour she went to the beach, taking Beatrix and leaving Richard with me. We spent the day together, playing with his toys (receiving a call from Helena at about 2pm – she told me she wanted to talk to me and asked me to book a restaurant for Monday) and finally going to Campo Grande, before picking up some DVD’s. Helena rang me in the hire shop, telling me she was at Cassias and asking me to pick her and Beatrix up. I suggested getting a taxi. She told me she was ‘missing’ me. I told her this feeling was not returned. It was obvious she was drunk and it made me concerned about the evening. When we got back, we started painting the airplane model, and Helena turned up with Beatrix at about 6pm, drunk. She told the kids it was time for bed. They didn´t want to go to bed, and I said it was far too early and they didn´t need to. Then she said they were going to go to the Casa da Roça to eat pizza. We informed her that the was what we did last night. She looked somewhat taken aback, but was pretty drunk and tired, so she went upstairs. At about 7:30, Beatrix came down to tell us her mother was asleep, and she wanted to go to sleep and wanted Richard to do so as well. I agreed it was bedtime, and we all went upstairs. Helena was passed out on the bed, so Richard climbed into my bed and asked me to read (translate) from a book I had bought him for his birthday. Beatrix wanted to sleep with her mother, and said she’d watch TV until Richard went to sleep. At about 8pm, I turned off the lights and they went to sleep, Beatrix with her mother, and Richard in my bed. I had a shower and went down to eat something. I went to bed at about 10pm. During the night, Helena came into my room briefly.
Helena spent Sunday nursing her hangover and watching films and TV. I went to the pousada in the morning to finish the accounts, and returned at lunchtime. After lunch I persuaded the kids to let me sleep a bit in the hammock. When I awoke they were upstairs watching tv. I took them to the Aeroclube and let them play on the inflatable play things. Then we came back home and did homework. We use the black board quite a lot, and it’s fun. Then Helena called them up and locked herself in for the night. I went to bed at about 10:30. Today I went for an appointment with family mediators and therapists. It has been decided that I will start sessions next week, and then, hopefully persuade Helena. I found it quite exhausting.
After Helena’s brief, drunken desire to talk to me on Saturday, we’re back to the no-talking thing.
On Wednesday I met Fabio, an ex employee of ours, who has 2 processes pending against us.
Helena took Beatrix for a pizza at 6pm, leaving Richard at the pousada. Beatrix was brought back by Louis at 7:30pm. Helena returned at 3:30 am. Beatrix, who had scared herself during the night, was in my bed; Helena came in, turned on the bathroom light and took Beatrix back to her bed. Then she left her door open for 5 minutes and cried, before shutting the door and allowing everyone to go back to sleep.
She woke in the usual bad, and aggressive mood. Cassia had finished cleaning the kitchen when Helena came down and asked when Cassia was going to begin work! She then told Cassia that she was here to work and not listen to music and told her to remove the tiny, one-plug walkman. All this in her slave-driver manner. I suggested she unplugged her ears, and she asked whether I agreed with her or not. I personally don´t, but that isn´t the point. I told Helena that I definitely don´t agree with how she treats people (as slaves). She walked off doing her ‘la-de-da’ thing and I repeated that she should unplug her ears.
I then went to the pousada and worked. At 11am, Helena rang Marcio and asked him to take R$20 to the house. When he returned he told me Lequina was there and they were buying beer. Then Cassia turned up, saying she couldn’t handle it anymore and had quit. I told her that, as far as I was concerned, she had been sacked. I suggested she take Helena to court for unfair dismissal. I went back to the house at 12:30, to find our kids playing with a couple of nephews of Lequina’s, and Helena out the back, drinking and smoking. So I returned to the pousada. At 3pm, Helena phoned to ‘ask’ if she could go to a party with Ronaldo. I said no problem. I went back to the house to look after the kids and Helena was trying to be ‘nice’ to me and the kids, though in a very drunk way. She went off and I took the kids to rent films and then hung out with them until putting them to bed at about 8pm.
It is now 8am and Helena is still not back! She phoned at 7am and I asked her who was going to clean the house. She said she would, but I don’t think she is going to be rushing back.
Helena finally returned at midnight on Friday! I looked after the children all day, as it was a holiday and there wasn’t anyone to help (what with Cassia being sacked, and Helena on a binge), which meant I didn’t get any work done. I am more then happy to spend the day with the kids, but I would prefer it if it was planned; as in Helena organized something with me. We picked their bikes up fro the shop (I’d put them in to be repaired on Tuesday), finished the Airfix model, made lunch and watched a film before dropping them off at the pousada so I could go to the gym. Then, at the end of the afternoon I took them and their bikes to the square. While Richard found he could pedal without the aid of the side wheels (very wobbly), I dragged Beatrix around on her bike with a piece of rope. All this time, Helena was telling the pousada she was ‘arriving’. So we spent the whole day not knowing when she would turn up. She phoned mid-afternoon and spoke to Richard. She wanted to speak to me but I wasn’t interested. So she told Richard that I would speak to her if I was a ‘real man’. No one was impressed. She also phoned about 7pm, drunk, by the sound of her voice, and I handed the phone to Beatrix who wanted to speak to her mother (she had rung in the afternoon but Helena hadn’t answered). She asked where her mother was, and said she wanted to be with her, but all to no avail, as Helena put the phone down. Then I had to deal with a crying Beatrix who doesn’t understand why her mother acts like this (not that any of us do). I put them to bed at about 8pm and lay down with them and chatted for a while. I said I didn’t like public holidays, and when Richard asked why, explained it was because everything is shut, and nothing functions and the streets are full of drunken people. Richard said like his mother. I repeated what I said to make it clear I wasn’t actually thinking of their mother, and then said that I didn’t like the way their mother drank.
Like I said, Helena turned up at about midnight and went to bed without making too much noise. A while later she came into my room to get the aspirin from the medicine cabinet. I continue to sleep with my door open, while she continues to lock her and the kids in her room.
The week end passed peacefully enough, though we are back to no-talking. Helena finally managed to clean parts of the house (very basic), somehow missing my room! For being such a demanding person about other peoples cleaning, she is not doing a very good job. She also spends all the rest of her time, blankly watching TV. This morning she got the kids ready for school, and has now gone back to bed.
Yesterday morning, I had my first therapy session, and it was tiring. Then I had to rush across town to the Delegacia where I had reported Helena. I arrived 10 minutes late and the audience had been re-scheduled for the 20th. Spoke with Simone, and she told me Helena had, through her lawyer (a professional friend of Simone’s) had requested a meeting to see if we can’t resolve our problems amicably. I agreed and it has been organized for Thursday morning.
In the afternoon, I met with Fabio to finalize his desisting with his second action (moral damage). He told me more about Helena’s actions in the pousada. It seems she had asked him many intimate questions, which, though she had tried to insist, he had refused to answer. He also told me that, while he was working there, she would frequently talk to her lover on the phone in front of the staff, in a way to leave no doubt that it was her lover. She also operated a private laundry service for him, picking up his laundry and getting the staff to wash it at the pousada, before taking it to him. If she wasn’t available, she would get Cacique to do the run. When the staff showed their concern about me finding out, she told them to lie to me, saying the clothes were of guests. It seems incredible that she would so flaunt her lover in front of the staff, though I reckon it was a way to show her ‘power’. I have to say, that the more I hear about Helena, the less generous I feel towards her!
Helena and I had a meeting with our respective lawyers (Helena’s lawyer is Dr Maira) on Thursday morning. It was held in Simone’s office. First the lawyers asked Helena to give herversion of how we have ended up here. She definitely played with the truth in an effort to make me appear responsible for everything, while trying to appear that she was reasonable., including saying that she had to lock her bedroom door at night because she was afraid of my violence! I dn’t believe either lawyer was particularly taken in. After this, they asked Helena what shw wanted. She said she thought I should move out. I refused, saying that after the last attempt (see – Tuesday 22/8), I decided I should stay to look after the kids. I suggested she could move out, and she refused. I suggested that, as neither was likely to move out at present, we should agree to live in the same house with certain rules. Basically the week should be divided into days when Helena is responsible for the kids, and days when I am. On the days of responsibility, the parent must be around when the kids return from school (or the whole day, if a weekend), and must put the kids to bed, and stay in, looking after them. On free days he or she can organize whatever they want. This means I will be able to have a social life again! I also suggested that the responsible parent should not drink.
Then I said that it was impossible to run a business with 2 bosses fighting, so one of the bosses needed to step back from the day-to-day running, and, as I was indispensable, she should be the one to step back. She agreed. I suggested that we should ask our accountant to value the business and I would offer to buy her out. She also agreed to this.
Then I said that it didn’t seem probable that we could continue living together, and that we should look to separate. I said that my Brother (Richard) was willing to help resolve the problem, in the form of financial assistance. Basically, if we could agree a figure, he would accept our house in exchange for some of the debt, and some cash for Helena. He would also buy Helena’s share in the business. This means he would effectively own all the property. Helena would have enough money to buy her own home and possibly set up a business. Helena agreed in principle, so now it depends on agreeing a figure.
Lastly the lawyers persuaded Helena to enter family therapy with me, which she agreed to but with a certain resistance.
On Thursday, I went to the Delegaçia responsible for crime against children, with Dr Simone, for the audience relating to the report I gave against Helena. Helena didn’t turn up, though I know she knew about it). I think she couldn’t handle it after the big meeting the day before. I spoke with the Delegado and it appears he has a lot of sympathy for me. We arranged a second audience and organized for Helena to be officially informed.
These last days have passed quietly, with Helena acting more like a mother should. It was her weekend to look after the kids and did so. I think she is beginning to realize the seriousness of her situation. Perhaps I am being cynical, but I am tending to think that she had been looking to provoke me into some violent act, so that she could put me out of the house. Now I feel much more in control, thanks in a large part, to Richards financial support, and because it is now becoming obvious to everyone that, while I’m a decent and responsible man (father), Helena is a violent alcoholic who has lover(s).
I think she went out last night, after I went to sleep 9the car was parked differently this morning). I have no idea where she went.
This morning we (I and Dr Simone, and Helena) had an audience at the Delegaçia where I reported Helena for hitting me (each report is filed in a different place). The meeting went well; I was asked to give my version, and also asked if this was an isolated incident. I explained that Helena has a tendency to aggressive acts. The Delegada also brought up the subject of the report of aggression by Helena against the children. I said I had no wish to pursue the matter, though it was important it had been registered. The Delegada told Helena that, because of this, she didn’t need to give her side of the fight, but, if she felt I hadn’t been truthful, she could file her defense later.
Afterwards, I let Helena take the car, while Dr Simone gave me a lift, so that we could talk a bit.
Helena spent the whole day out, and returned at about 6pm. She had been drinking (I could smell it on her breath), and acted in a controlled manner, but she wasn’t, by her standards, drunk. She went out at night, while I looked after the children, but I don’t think she stayed out late. I have a feeling that she is ignoring the fact that we are organizing to separate; she is acting like life will continue, planning improvements in the house.